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Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Forgiveness: Even if, Even if, You Don't Love Me Anymore

I had to quote that song in my title. "Just thinkin' about... FORGIVENESS!" Quite a soulful peice don't you think? Severely appropriate for the matters at hand. True forgiveness can be nothing BUT soulful, right? It takes you down to humility, past grudges, into a tenderness and vulnerability that could reject you but you cannot let that stop you. We're talking about what comes of the ashes of forgiveness and that, my darlings, is your freedom.

On my lunch hour I decided to forget about the car, take my lunch under a tree and read from my Yoga Journal magazine that I picked up Grand Central about a month or two ago. I scanned through some old articles I had already read on the train.

One story (off topic) that was cute and noteworthy was a Hindu tale I will retype in the following post. So look for that! It is entitled, "The Cracked Pot". More lessons, people. Can't stop them!

Today the focus is on forgiveness. With my Teacher's ears and eyes far away this week, I felt the need to produce my own lesson. As he has diligently provided tasks, mantras and questions for me each week, I paniced momentarily wondering where to put my energy in a week with no guidence.

Were he here right now he would roll his eyes, smile and say, "Oh please, you have the tools, you have the power... and you KNOW it." So in efforts to make him look good, (ha ha), I read up on something that could touch anyone. This brought me to the Forgiveness article.

The title, "Forgiveness Heals: When you forgive a long-held grievance, you open the door to true freedom" could do nothing but catch your eye.
First you think, "a way to forgive? Do tell." Because it seems that such a word provokes more obsticles than miracles in most lives. (There's that ego getting in the way of moving forward again.)
Then you think, "heals? I could use some of that." Because who couldn't?


"When your heart forgives, it has stepped beyond the ego to grasp your
innate kinship -- even your identity -- with another person."
(YogaJournal - Kempton 55)

But like all mindful practices, forgiveness is not a one shot deal. The words, "I forgive you" don't escape you and suddenly you are lifted. It's more of a movement inside of you. In many cases of mindful practice, making a consious decision is your core value. This time, it's different. As forgiveness is present in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, your mind is conditioned to handle the harboring of this negative feeling in an entirely different catagory.

Before you begin thinking of how you want to forgive or even why, you want to think of WHO it is you want to forgive. Who is the first crippling enemy that comes to your mind? Was it an abusive father, backstabbing friend or a cheating lover? What about the boy that beat your son to death?

All of these scenarios play out in this article only to draw us back to one thing... basic goodness. To anyone who has read this blog before, or whoever else cares, I've mention Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior by Trungpa. This book and most enlightened teachings go back to basic goodness. In every monster there is a child. In every cold heart, was a person who wanted to be loved and perhaps was forgotten. We must remember, even if their deed was done with ill-intent, there is part of them that has faultered because of human nature.

An old friend that has hurt you, may not have done it purposely. This is the first part of the process. Who do you want to forgive? What did they do? Was it really about you? Was it really about how it would hurt you? We retreat back to asking ourselves questions. ALWAYS ask yourself what's really going on here.

In choosing to open our hearts to forgiveness, yes, we jeopardize a sense of security but at what cost? Perhaps you will be back stabbed again by another, perhaps human nature is unavoidable and you may get hurt again. But in forgiveing the negative parts in others, (some of which we may subconciously see in ourselves), we DO forgive ourselves. It even feels good sometimes to say, "I'm sorry."

Being strong in this world, being aware and living free will not always mean the things you are practicing are comfortable. But in relinquishing our choice for a fluffy cushion, we may gain the power to fly through the clouds.

Like climbing a mountain, scrapped, bleeding and weather worn, look over the edge at the most magnificant view and for a moment pain is suspended and you are devine.

Think hard about who you should forgive today, and do it. Letting go of the anger, releases the tag hanging around your neck that reads, "Victim".

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