Sitting with the Teacher yesterday, the topic of attachment hit the discussion board. I had read in various places that love, kindness and honor were the vehicles to lead us to ultimate freedom. So we must love the people in our lives and the people of the world. But I began to confuse the lines between attachment and love. Aren't we attached to the ones we love? How can a person not be attached to their loved ones? Doesn't attachment equal love? The Teacher said that we must detach in order to love in the most powerful way. How is 'detaching' a way of getting closer? I didn't understand; I was mixing something up.
So I said, "may I reference Star Wars?" And he, of course, nodded.. knowing most any reference I can dish.
"So Anakin Skywalker is training to become a Jedi and he has fallen in love with Padme. Yoda or Obiwan (I forget), tells him that their union is not allowed. In short, attachment leads to the dark side. He must remain unattached in order to stay connected to the force without interference. Why were the Jedi not allowed to love?"
But the Jedi were allowed to love, it was just how you carried your love that mattered. The Teacher explained to me that what Yoda knew about 'the force' matched up with what Buddhists know about the universe. The reason why the 'bad guys' (Sith) were the bad guys, were because they had too much fear in their hearts. And as we all know, "Fear is the path to the dark side."
The one liner couldn't be more dead on. Fear is the path to the dark side for many reasons. For one, fear creates insecurity and insecurity can go one of two ways. You can either be sad/shy about it or be angry about it. Anger and violence is based largly, (if not solely), on the fears of people.
Speaking in terms of attachment, fear is the star here as well. When we love something we tend to do everything in our power to keep it close, to hold it tight and never let go. The idea that we may loose this, drives the wrong kind of attachment. It boils down to the fear of death or loss.
The Star Wars example fits beautifully here. Anakin had dreams that Padme was going to die and rather than accepting this fate and spending time with her, he used his energy to find a way to go against the chosen path of the universe to 'save' her. His fear of loss over took his senses and in the end, not only did he loose his love but also his dignity, his name, his entire person.
"The reason," the Teacher went on, "that letting go of something brings us closer is because we've come to terms that we are going to loose that object at one point or another. Everyone is going to die. No one knows why humans who are surrounded by death have not come to terms with this but we have to find a way because you're forgetting that you are only loosing the physical." He beat his heart with a clenched fist and shook his head as the thud off his rib cage surprised me.
"Our souls come down from Heaven or whatever people want to call it.... And they manifest into bodies and when the bodies are no more, the energy of the soul goes back into the air, back into the sky and that soul is still thriving and never dies. It's everywhere and it's with you...
Why do you think that when Darth Vadar takes off his helmet he's all gross and decaying? Because he's holding on to the physical and can't let that go! Jedi's never decay, they disappear back into the universe (or the Force) where they can join the energy and move on to the next mission."
Hmm. Well put.
So the point is, when you stop clutching your loved ones, with knuckles white, both of you will be able to breathe. You'll be free from the stress of worrying about loosing them because in reality, you already know that day is going to come. Instead, you spend time appreciating who they are today and you actually love them more by concentrating on the moment. And in this moment, if you are alive and well, you should be laughing together and being... in the moment.
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