Why Jedi's Always Win and Never Die

Sitting with the Teacher yesterday, the topic of attachment hit the discussion board. I had read in various places that love, kindness and honor were the vehicles to lead us to ultimate freedom. So we must love the people in our lives and the people of the world. But I began to confuse the lines between attachment and love. Aren't we attached to the ones we love? How can a person not be attached to their loved ones? Doesn't attachment equal love? The Teacher said that we must detach in order to love in the most powerful way. How is 'detaching' a way of getting closer? I didn't understand; I was mixing something up.

So I said, "may I reference Star Wars?" And he, of course, nodded.. knowing most any reference I can dish.

"So Anakin Skywalker is training to become a Jedi and he has fallen in love with Padme. Yoda or Obiwan (I forget), tells him that their union is not allowed. In short, attachment leads to the dark side. He must remain unattached in order to stay connected to the force without interference. Why were the Jedi not allowed to love?"

But the Jedi were allowed to love, it was just how you carried your love that mattered. The Teacher explained to me that what Yoda knew about 'the force' matched up with what Buddhists know about the universe. The reason why the 'bad guys' (Sith) were the bad guys, were because they had too much fear in their hearts. And as we all know, "Fear is the path to the dark side."

The one liner couldn't be more dead on. Fear is the path to the dark side for many reasons. For one, fear creates insecurity and insecurity can go one of two ways. You can either be sad/shy about it or be angry about it. Anger and violence is based largly, (if not solely), on the fears of people.

Speaking in terms of attachment, fear is the star here as well. When we love something we tend to do everything in our power to keep it close, to hold it tight and never let go. The idea that we may loose this, drives the wrong kind of attachment. It boils down to the fear of death or loss.

The Star Wars example fits beautifully here. Anakin had dreams that Padme was going to die and rather than accepting this fate and spending time with her, he used his energy to find a way to go against the chosen path of the universe to 'save' her. His fear of loss over took his senses and in the end, not only did he loose his love but also his dignity, his name, his entire person.

"The reason," the Teacher went on, "that letting go of something brings us closer is because we've come to terms that we are going to loose that object at one point or another. Everyone is going to die. No one knows why humans who are surrounded by death have not come to terms with this but we have to find a way because you're forgetting that you are only loosing the physical." He beat his heart with a clenched fist and shook his head as the thud off his rib cage surprised me.

"Our souls come down from Heaven or whatever people want to call it.... And they manifest into bodies and when the bodies are no more, the energy of the soul goes back into the air, back into the sky and that soul is still thriving and never dies. It's everywhere and it's with you...
Why do you think that when Darth Vadar takes off his helmet he's all gross and decaying? Because he's holding on to the physical and can't let that go! Jedi's never decay, they disappear back into the universe (or the Force) where they can join the energy and move on to the next mission."

Hmm. Well put.

So the point is, when you stop clutching your loved ones, with knuckles white, both of you will be able to breathe. You'll be free from the stress of worrying about loosing them because in reality, you already know that day is going to come. Instead, you spend time appreciating who they are today and you actually love them more by concentrating on the moment. And in this moment, if you are alive and well, you should be laughing together and being... in the moment.

May the Force be with you.

"Do or do not, there is no try."

~Master Yoda

The Cracked Pot

Every day, a farmer carried two pots to the river to fetch water. Each pot hung on the end of a pole across his shoulders. The pot on his right side was new and perfect. The pot on his left side was older and had a crack in its side.

The new pot brought back all the water the farmer put into it. But the cracked pot leaked out water in a little trail. This went on day after day for two years. The little cracked pot felt terrible. "I am so ashamed of my imperfection!" One day, it spoke to the farmer. "I must apologize. I only deliver half of my load because I leak out water all the way back to your house. You should just get rid of me!"

The farmer said, "Do not despair. Look behind you. Do you not see those beautiful flowers along the path? Those are on the left side where I carry you. I knew about your special feature so I planted flower seeds, and you have watered those seeds as I walked home.
Thanks to you, I have fresh flowers for my table. Thank you, little cracked pot. You are very special."

Excerpt from The Treasure in Your Heart Yoga and Stories for Peaceful Children
(The Mythic Yoga Studio, 2008).

Forgiveness: Even if, Even if, You Don't Love Me Anymore

I had to quote that song in my title. "Just thinkin' about... FORGIVENESS!" Quite a soulful peice don't you think? Severely appropriate for the matters at hand. True forgiveness can be nothing BUT soulful, right? It takes you down to humility, past grudges, into a tenderness and vulnerability that could reject you but you cannot let that stop you. We're talking about what comes of the ashes of forgiveness and that, my darlings, is your freedom.

On my lunch hour I decided to forget about the car, take my lunch under a tree and read from my Yoga Journal magazine that I picked up Grand Central about a month or two ago. I scanned through some old articles I had already read on the train.

One story (off topic) that was cute and noteworthy was a Hindu tale I will retype in the following post. So look for that! It is entitled, "The Cracked Pot". More lessons, people. Can't stop them!

Today the focus is on forgiveness. With my Teacher's ears and eyes far away this week, I felt the need to produce my own lesson. As he has diligently provided tasks, mantras and questions for me each week, I paniced momentarily wondering where to put my energy in a week with no guidence.

Were he here right now he would roll his eyes, smile and say, "Oh please, you have the tools, you have the power... and you KNOW it." So in efforts to make him look good, (ha ha), I read up on something that could touch anyone. This brought me to the Forgiveness article.

The title, "Forgiveness Heals: When you forgive a long-held grievance, you open the door to true freedom" could do nothing but catch your eye.
First you think, "a way to forgive? Do tell." Because it seems that such a word provokes more obsticles than miracles in most lives. (There's that ego getting in the way of moving forward again.)
Then you think, "heals? I could use some of that." Because who couldn't?

"When your heart forgives, it has stepped beyond the ego to grasp your
innate kinship -- even your identity -- with another person."
(YogaJournal - Kempton 55)

But like all mindful practices, forgiveness is not a one shot deal. The words, "I forgive you" don't escape you and suddenly you are lifted. It's more of a movement inside of you. In many cases of mindful practice, making a consious decision is your core value. This time, it's different. As forgiveness is present in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, your mind is conditioned to handle the harboring of this negative feeling in an entirely different catagory.

Before you begin thinking of how you want to forgive or even why, you want to think of WHO it is you want to forgive. Who is the first crippling enemy that comes to your mind? Was it an abusive father, backstabbing friend or a cheating lover? What about the boy that beat your son to death?

All of these scenarios play out in this article only to draw us back to one thing... basic goodness. To anyone who has read this blog before, or whoever else cares, I've mention Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior by Trungpa. This book and most enlightened teachings go back to basic goodness. In every monster there is a child. In every cold heart, was a person who wanted to be loved and perhaps was forgotten. We must remember, even if their deed was done with ill-intent, there is part of them that has faultered because of human nature.

An old friend that has hurt you, may not have done it purposely. This is the first part of the process. Who do you want to forgive? What did they do? Was it really about you? Was it really about how it would hurt you? We retreat back to asking ourselves questions. ALWAYS ask yourself what's really going on here.

In choosing to open our hearts to forgiveness, yes, we jeopardize a sense of security but at what cost? Perhaps you will be back stabbed again by another, perhaps human nature is unavoidable and you may get hurt again. But in forgiveing the negative parts in others, (some of which we may subconciously see in ourselves), we DO forgive ourselves. It even feels good sometimes to say, "I'm sorry."

Being strong in this world, being aware and living free will not always mean the things you are practicing are comfortable. But in relinquishing our choice for a fluffy cushion, we may gain the power to fly through the clouds.

Like climbing a mountain, scrapped, bleeding and weather worn, look over the edge at the most magnificant view and for a moment pain is suspended and you are devine.

Think hard about who you should forgive today, and do it. Letting go of the anger, releases the tag hanging around your neck that reads, "Victim".

Rain Immitates Life

I've had the feeling lately that I'm disconnected with my surroundings, the people and the environments in which I reside. From work, to home, to the streets, I am not fitting the peices together right at all.

I've found myself in the angriest of places on the road, at home and of course, at work. The cycle topples over itself again and again. A displeasure of events and no cure or reason connected to it.

The days have been warm and sunny. I've been sour for not being part of them, stuck behind a desk or in a casino that never made windows. The grass in my back yard has the texture of pure straw and I can't go barefoot because it feels like needles on the soles of my worn out feet.

So as I sit here at my desk, I hear the others buzzing about the rain on it's way and how they can't wait. Before I know it, we're watching lightening strike outside the conference window and we are standing in the dark with our noses to the glass. The rain comes and we are all happy for once.

We retreat to our desks to save all the work that we might loose. The lights flicker and I look out the window to the dark clouds and the rain gets louder and louder with each passing moment. I hear it with ever inch of myself as I wish I could have an outburst of that magnitude.

The earth was completely parched.
I am completely parched.

The rain faught and fussed for days, trying to squeeze out a sprinkle.
I have faught and fussed for days, trying to figure out an answer.

Finally, with a roar and a flash, the rain moved swiftly and forcefully downward bathing the straw-like grass, the grass so starved for water it was on it's last breath, if not dead. Now the grass is swimming, blowing bubbles, rolling and smiling.
I want that too.

20 minutes later, the sky opens back up and the sun rolls lazily back into view. It's as if the earth and sky stretched out their arms and sighed deeply, saying together,
"ahhh, thanks for that."

Relief. Can you tell I need some?

Shut Your God-Shaped Hole!!

Due to the shit quality of this Paint Program image I made while at work today, I will retype what is written. It reads:

You have a void in you that you can't explain. Something is
missing, something's not fitting right, something is nagging.

And it's not God.

It's something else. Something bigger and harder to put your
finger on. It's different for everyone. No one's void can match anothers.

They say the power is in the 'doing', not the 'figuring'. The
only way to fill the hole is to fill it with the exact puzzle peice, which is
the shape of YOUR body, (which matches no one elses). Your goal, your
destination, your end point all waits to be taken care of and until it is, it
will follow you as closely as your debt and taxes.

When the void is filled, you can shut that God-Shaped hole and
live gently.

In reference to: The God-shaped Hole: Finding Ourselves to Fill the Emptiness Within
Also refrencing: me being dumb.

What A Day Off Can Do

I work two jobs. During the five day stretch of a business week I am in an accounting office burning my eyes over numbers and paperwork. Usually these hours are long, boring and hard to pass. My energy is easily sucked into the unpleasant ring my telephone makes, or the annoying figetty things my co worker does all day.

In the summer, by Thursday, my 8 hour work day stretches on to 14. After I clock out of the office drained and lifeless, I need to go to my second job where I stand for 5-6 hours, running up and down stairs and handling (more often than not) dissatisfied, unruly patrons.

Monday through Friday quickly turns into Monday through Monday through Monday. Sometimes I will get a Sunday night off... but the last two months has been brutal.

So this past weekend, I didn't sign up to work and I awarded myself a Friday night, Saturday and Sunday all to myself. This worked wonders....

Having a day off, isn't just about not going to work. The scraps of time I've had to myself here and there are spent exhausted on the couch but the benefits of taking time for yourself are incredibly beneficial. So maybe you really need that $50? Think of this... Paying (or giving up your) $50 may turn out to be the best investment of the month. Sometimes going without brings a whole lot in. How many more ways do you think I can say it?

TAKE TIME OFF!

Friday night I went to Foxwood's Bingo with two good friends. It had been a long week so two of us had quit early to go home and watch reruns of "I Love Lucy" together before our trip the next day. John was left with three bingo cards and not enough time to check them all. (Bingo is pretty intense...)

Saturday was spent in the beautiful city I love; New York. The sun was shining, it was hot and we were just happy to be there. Melinda and I stopped for lunch at the American Diner where we ordered what seemed to be lbs of food.

We ventured out to the guggenheim museum to expand our art culture only to find that this museum was a disgrace to all I hold dear in the art world. I apologize to anyone who enjoys art from a kindergarden class room or someone dropping a deuce on a plate but $18 later I was seriously contemplating defacing the building with my sour vanilla milkshake... to say the very least.

Sunday friends from my second job through a large picnic. There are 110 of us but about 60 showed up. Potluck lunch, swimming pool, hot tub, endless beers, bottomless chip bags and watching a line of 50 year olds play flip cup in their milliondollar driveway just topped off the weekend.

While the Guggenheim crapped on my heart and we crapped out on Bingo, it didn't matter. All the little parts of the this weekend that went slightly awry where perfect none the less because of the sheer fact that I did them at my own discretion. I chose when to sit, stand, sleep, drink and did not have to censor myself for bosses, patrons or parents. It may sound silly, but that's worth the money I spent this weekend.

And thanks to some time off, my work day may just turn out to be productive today. :)

Ladies and Gentlemen: Please Take Time for Fun.

On Fearlessness and ADD

Imagine, you're walking along just fine and then suddenly, PLOP! Right down a manhole. If you can imagine that picture, it represents how each one of my thoughts have been lately. I get on a topic in my head, get half way to a question to present to The Teacher and PLOP... it's gone. My train of thought, my question... gone. What's going on?

When you ask American's what their problem with attention is, they'll be quick to tell you they have ADD. "Everyone has it," they'll say. But maybe we don't. Maybe what we have is plain old fashioned laziness.

The book I'm reading right now, Shambhala: the Sacred Path of the Warrior by Trungpa explores everyday life and how the mundane things don't have to excite us necessarily, but at least interest us.

Washing dishes doesn't make me want to break dance but I haven't taken the time to put a little pride into doing it. Being mindful means watching the soap bubble, the dishrag swirl and feel the cold water rinse my warm hands when I'm done and being good with that. This book also explores just your living space. It talks of even throwing your clothes on the floor is a great dishonor... to yourself.

I think about my own wandering mind and relate it back to the questions that start to form and then fade before my eyes. I spend the rest of the time trying to rediscover just what it is I'm looking to ask about. I find myself saying, "what was I just saying? where did that thought go?!"

In all the studies I've done lately, the deeper I get into enlightened living... I'm learning about things just on the cusp of my conceptual grasp and it's both incredibly intriguing and also terribly frustrating. It's like I can smell it, almost taste it and I'm just about to touch it but then it's gone and I don't even know how to tell you what it is that I saw. And no matter how hard I try to hold the concept, it drops and I fall from the ladder. Flat on my back again!

So ADD may not be everyone's problem and most likely it's not mine either, but we'll tack that word on it for now since nothing else suites my discomfort when trying to focus on an actual task. I'm too busy thinking about the teachings that I'm reading about but find myself falling short of practicing... Especially in the car. My road rage is outlandish.

The book continues on to say that as humans with an enlightened understanding, we must entreat our time here with nothing but tenderness to others and to approach, speak and carry ourselves with gentleness. This creates fearlessness and connects us to others on a deeper and more meaningful level.

But just as I'm also on the edge of grasping, in my tattered hands, what a second of tenderness may be, it is pulled out of reach and I digress. I loose direction, focus and drive.

Today I got sick.

I get sick and my body hurts and I'm propelled backwards, head first into fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of physical pain and fear that I will never be free from it's unrelenting clutches. So teach me how to not be afraid. Teach me to forget all that I know today!

It's like when Romeo pouts to Benvolio saying, "O, teach me how I should forget to think!"

He answers, "By giving liberty unto thine eyes; Examine other beauties."

And Romeo rambles on and in conclusion before he departs says to his friend, "Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget."

But Benvolio knows better and replies, "I'll pay that doctrine, or else die in debt."

And the end result is that Benvolio holds the truth and doesn't seem bothered by it's presence. He knows Romeo can retrain his mind and he doesn't kill himself to prove it to his friend, he simply smiles knowingly and shakes his head, muttering a quiet opposition and certainty.

In by giving liberty to our eyes we can examine options, beauty, truth and if we are lucky, find something that means everything to us; a something so strong you feel as though you could die for it.